The End of It
by Sparklagal
Summary: Repost of this, took it off the web and rewrote it a bit, tis a bit longer, and I like it better. Victor muses. Rated for language and all around Vic-ness.


The End Of It By sparklagal Disclaimer: I don't own anything. well maybe a cup of coffee. yeah.  
  
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Tryin' to describe the way it is is like tryin ta see those stars that you can't quite make out. You know what I'm talking about. When yer lying under the sky just looking up at em, you can see the brightest, but there are always those little ones that you can never quite pin-point. The ones that you can see out of the corner of yer eye, but not focus on 'em. It's maddening. but still. yer always compelled ta look at the stars you'll never really be able to see.  
  
Not many people think I'm all that poetic. But it just goes ta show you ya can't judge a book by it's cover. or title page for that matter.  
  
I admit it, I'm an animal. A horrible person who's brain is ta screwed up to realize what he's doing. But you can't really blame me. Sure it's easy for Xavier and those X-dweebs to just say I'm a born killer, but it's not that simple. Logan had luxuries I couldn't afford. He may not remember it, but his life wasn't all that horrible. Well, at least no compared ta mine. He told me all about it once. I think he was drunk. but that's another story.  
  
My dad beat me as soon as I started showing. Called me the spawn o' Satan and ended up making me just that. When I was 9 years old he started pulling out my claws and teeth. And every night they grew back. Almost all of the next three years was constant pain. You never think about it but growing back the claws is just as bad as havin em pulled out. They payed for it though, both o' them. That whore of a mother of mine who didn't stop her husband for tryin ta beat the devil out of an innocent child. And that hell spawn who was convinced I was evil. When I never did anything. I never hurt either of them. At least not intentionally. When you can't figure out how to get talons ta go back into your hands your bound to stick a few people. But deffinatly not deliberately. But they both payed. I made sure of that.  
  
If I ever have a kid an' keep 'im around, that's one thing no one will ever pin on me. I'll never hurt my pup. It goes against every instinct I have. People tend ta overlook the good aspects o' me. I'll protect my pride, mate and pup till the end. If the runt could remember. He'd tell ya. I hurt people, yeah, I did. A lot of times when I shoulda kept my feelins ta myself I let em out. And now I can't keep em in. That's my fault. I'll admit to that. I'll deal with the consequences.  
  
Later in life, Logan had countless lovers who would happily die for him, and ya know why? Cause he would fer them. But me? I had nothing, I tried, I really did, and a couple times I almost made it. I can't quite remember if I was ever successful. Maybe. Maybe that's the reason I'm so bitter. Wish I could remember, might be nice to have some memories like that. Nowadays I've all but given up. Countless bad experiences made it that way. I always seemed to choose the wrong girl, or guy, depending on what time period and where we were. I know some people who would kill me if I told what they did. heh.  
  
Logan's a lucky son of a bitch, but also a stupid one. He still doesn't see that look the frail gives him. no, she's not a frail, she's anything but frail. To put up with that hard headed ass must take a lot out of her. I know as well as anyone how hard he is to be around. He's like a skirt goin' through menopause or their period or something like that. He's freakin cranky! Maybe that's what's blinding him to her. Notices the broads he can never get and ignores the ones who're the most worthy of him. Or he's the least worthy of. Again, he's pretty damn thick.  
  
You all have probably already guessed why I try to kill him. Yeah, I'm jealous as hell. It's kinda obvious, but it's not the only reason. I would do anything to have someone like Jubes. That girl'd stand up ta me to save the runts ass. Or any part of him for that matter. Hell, she'd come at me with dozens o' bleedin' wounds and a plastic soda bottle to save that son of a bitch. Ironically, that's why I can't kill her. Ya must have noticed all the times I could've but didn't. Talked all menacingly to her until the runt got there ta save her. I'm not a talker. If I wanted to kill her I'd gut her and then talk while the blood seeped out. But I can't.  
  
Cause I hold on to that tiny scrap o' humanity that wants it. That lil bit o' life in me that could be my salvation. I don't wanna be like this. The opposite of everything love is. It's not natural, not for anything, especially not for an animal.  
  
I lied that day runt. When I told you I'd kill everyone who made you happy, everyone who cared about you. Everyone you cared about. I lied to you. But I guess killing you'd be pretty much the same thing. That'd leave 'er without you. I won't kill you or her then. But ya gotta promise me something Runt. In the slim, tiny chance, I find someone who loves me like that. If I find someone who threatens you with a rusty spoon ta keep away from me after you've beaten the crap out of me. A gal who'll try ta get me to stop drinkin and smoking and make me cook my goddamn meat. If I ever find my Jubilation... You'll let us be. And that'll be the end of it. 


End file.
